How to Think About Money and Italian Beef

Too many of us are really good at pretending not to worry about money.

“Credit card debt?” Everyone has it. 

“Emergency savings?” My job is secure.

“Retirement?” I have so much time.

Accept money for the tool that it is.

Instead of honestly assessing our relationship with money, we actively ignore it. Yes, actively ignore. We don’t passively hide from our credit card bills. We all have the credit card apps on our phones and receive multiple emails about our bills. We know what the numbers are, and we bury that knowledge. We exert mental energy to not think about our money.

Let’s stop doing that and re-frame how we think about money. Instead of convincing ourselves that we’re not worried about money, let’s accept money for the tool that it is. Let’s get energized thinking about what money can do for us.

Thinking about money does not make you a bad person.

Thinking about money does not make you a bad person. Always remember what money is: a tool. You are not a bad person for wanting to use that tool to build the best life for you and your family. 

Remember, the goal is not to fall in love with or obsess over the dollars in your bank account. The goal is to think about how you can use those dollars to maximize your life experiences. When you start thinking like that, money is energizing. 

A higher income won’t cure your money worries.

You are not immune from worrying about money just because you have a high income. Ask people further along in their careers if earning more money magically solved all their money worries. A lot of times, the opposite is true. 

The more we earn usually means the more we spend. We tell ourselves that we deserve to spend more. Or, we need to spend more to match our neighbors or colleagues. You can see this through the clothes people wear, the vacations they take, the restaurants they eat at. This habit of spending more, even as we earn more, explains why credit card debt in America continues to surge.

The other thing about earning more? It also usually means we’re working more. If you were worried about money when you had more available time to think about it, what’s going to happen now that you’re working longer, harder hours?

Vicki Robin, often credited for laying the groundwork for the FIRE movement, has a lot to say about the relationship between money, work, and time. Her book Your Money or Your Life is a must read.

I could go for an Italian beef.

Years ago, my friend came to Chicago to visit. He loves good food and treated me to one of the premier restaurants in the city. Very fancy, Japanese menu. 12 courses. Sake pairings. At one point, my friend spilled some sauce on his shirt. Having noticed his predicament, the waiter walked over and discreetly handed him a stain removal pen folded in a napkin. Classy, right?

It was one of the best dining experiences I’ve ever had, but it had nothing to do with the food. I loved being there with my friend, and he knows it wasn’t about the food.

Towards the end of the meal, I got up and went to the bathroom. I returned to my friend and the couple at the table next to us gushing about the meal. Turning to me, one of them asked, “Did you absolutely love the food, too?” He choked on his Unagi when I responded, truthfully, “I could really go for an Italian beef.” 

I want you to spend your money.

OK, so what’s the point? I am in no way saying we should all stop spending money. Or, that we shouldn’t use our money to enjoy what we want in life. Quite the opposite, actually. I want you to prosper. What I really want is for you to define for yourself what a prosperous life means. 

If that means you want to use your money to eat Japanese delicacies instead of Italian beef, please do! Just do it because you put some intentional thought into how spending your money that way fits into your overall life experience.

Get energized thinking about money.

If you’ve read this far, I’m assuming that you’re tired of pretending not to worry about money. You’re tired of treating money just like everyone else. You’re tired of fooling yourself that if you just made more money, everything would be fine. You want the worrying to stop. 

Now, you want to feel like you’re moving forward. You’re ready to be energized about using money as a tool to reach your hand selected goals, regardless of how much you make.

To start moving forward, we need to change how we exert our mental energy when it comes to money. In the beginning, many of us exert mental energy into making excuses about our money. Or maybe worse, we actively ignore our money. We convince ourselves that we’re just like everyone else. We pretend not to worry.

Let’s flip that around. Instead of exerting mental energy to ignore our money worries, let’s get energized thinking about how we can use money as a tool to build our lives. It starts with discovering what truly motivates us. Only then can we talk about strong personal finance habits. Without the motivation, we’ll slip back into that existence of pretending not to worry.

There’s no dress rehearsal in life.

Life doesn’t come with a dress rehearsal. There’s no practice game to test out new plays. We need to think about our motivations now and continue to think about those motivations as we go.

You’ll soon hear all about my Tiara Goals, my made-up name for what truly motivates me. At this point, I’ll share the simple recognition that we each only get one life. I don’t say that to be morbid or depressing. I don’t say it to be inspirational, either. I’m saying it simply because it’s true.

Bill Perkins, author of Die with Zero, makes a very convincing argument that most of us wait too long to start using money to create life-changing experiences. You should read Die with Zero and talk about it with your people. This book has led to more money conversations with my friends and family than any other book I’ve read.

This truth is a powerful reminder for me to use money as a tool to accomplish my Tiara Goals. That truth helps explain why I work hard for my clients with mesothelioma, own rental properties, teach law students, and now write this blog.

I encourage each of you to start thinking about what truly matters to you. Not in a theoretical sense. Not what you expect other people would say should matter to you. What you, after deliberate thought, believe truly matters. You won’t have all the answers right away, but you need to start somewhere. 

For now, let’s start by helping each other. Let’s stop pretending that we aren’t worried about money, so we can do something about it.

“Credit card debt?” Yup, and I’m attacking it. 

“Emergency savings?” Growing each month.

“Retirement?” Not a problem.

“Unagi?” Eh, I’ll have the Italian beef. Dipped, hot peppers.